This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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