Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
