her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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