i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
