Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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