yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
