i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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