He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
