i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
