i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
