everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
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