Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
