But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
