my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
