I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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