found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
