the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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