I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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