so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
