Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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