It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
