Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
