Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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