I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
