i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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