yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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