he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
