So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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