I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
