I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
