I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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