If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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