How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
