Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
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