I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
