I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
