im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
