Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
