It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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