yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
