Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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