I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
