My brain says no but my pants say off.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
