Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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