Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
