Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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