Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
