Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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