Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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