her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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